Back to School: B.A. Going on 6th Grade

HeyguesswhatI'mnotaploidanymore!!!!! I'm a substitute teacher now!!!! (You can tell because I'm wearing a sweater vest.)

First Day of School: Self-Portrait

That's right. I can now count myself among the gainfully employed once again. And none to soon; the coffers were running low. I wanted to write this post to share this good news yesterday, but it was a housemate's birthday and festivities had to be provided for and attended to (and I didn't have to sub so I spent the first 6 hours of the day in my pajamas reading books and playing games). And this evening I have plans too, so this will have to be brief. Now I give you thoughts on and recounted adventures in SUBSTITUTE TEACHING...

Monday was President's Day. I was taking it easy, relaxing, half-heartedly looking for jobs... and I was still under the impression that the required criminal background check for my substitute teaching license wouldn't be finished for at least a few more days, maybe a week. So though I went to bed with my phone turned on and atop my night stand I also went to bed at 1:30 am after a showing of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, some funny YouTube videos, and half a chapter of a really cool/nerdy book (The Visual Display of Quantitative Information). And wouldnchaknowit, the phone woke me up at 6:30 the next morning. "Good morning. Can you sub today?" Now or never. "Sure." "Okay, you'll be subbing for Mrs. Yoder at the Middle School..."

This was it! Having never set foot in a classroom (other than as a grade schooler myself, or as a college T.A.) before I donned myself in professional raiment, brushed the snow off my car and drove in the direction of that huge metaphorical 'fire' into which one is thrown to be tested. (I came out a little over-cooked, thanks in part to my previously mentioned sweater vest.)

I was to sub for a 6th grade English teacher. Fun. With the exception of perhaps all of K-5, this setting terrified me the most of all the possibilities. On the plus side, if I could survive this, I could survive anything. And it wasn't too bad. I surprised myself. Before I go on about my Mad Kid Skillz let me just give a shout out to the real heroes: Rita, the super-nice secretary who greeted me when I first came in, Anastasia, the super-nice teacher who led me to my classroom, befriended me and let me eat lunch with her and others, and all 3 of the amazing paras who worked in my classroom and helped keep the situation contained. I guess when it's a thousand vs maybe a hundred, the hundred have to band together if they want to have a hope of keeping the punk-ass thousand at bay.

My day as a 6th grade English teacher was trying. My first two classes were honors classes, and they mostly stayed on task, but I still had to put out my share of fires: kids talking, getting up out of their seats, ripping up their magazines... and the basic English classes were even worse. In short, it was a day-long lesson in how to efficiently use discipline, or the threat thereof, to keep a small mob of hormones from destroying the room. Every class did have its good students, and whenever I could I tried to help and encourage them, but those free moments were few and far between. (Thank god for my planning period - one full hour of paid bliss... and frantic alteration of strategy and rallying of courage!)

Today I was called back to duty. Apparently I left a good impression on the GMS English department because today I was in the classroom of an 8th grade English teacher. Maybe it's because this teacher had a much better handle on her class, maybe it was the maturity that 2 years can develop in young adolescents, or maybe it was the fact that two of my classes today were honors, but today was AWESOME!! The kids were quiet (with some motivating on my part), helpful, respectful and just plain good. Though I had previously sworn I would never teach any grade below 9th, this week's transition from 6th to 8th grade left me feeling pretty good about 8th graders.

Now I really should be heading to dinner, but before I do, some quick thoughts and anecdotes (I'm sure there will be many more to come, as education is fast becoming a passion of mine and... kids say the darndest things...):

-I really feel for good kids stuck in groups or classes with rowdy kids. So many times on Tuesday I wanted to just ignore the kids who were throwing stuff and work with the good kids on learning. Likewise I found it difficult to mandate a one-library-pass-at-a-time policy (to keep the rowdy and grinning boys from wreaking havoc in the hallways) while there was also a line of perfectly responsible children with legitimate reasons for going.

-Surprisingly, the only two comments on my long hair thus far: "Are you a hippie?" and "How long did it take you to grow out your hair?!"

-How does one maintain control? A fellow 6th grade teacher advised starting off on a stern, in-control foot and never backing down from there. And that was more or less necessary with the 6th graders. Today, however, I found that giving students the benefit of the doubt and respecting them resulted only in students who were more open to doing what I told them. Maybe (probably) it was just a difference in maturity, but it will be interesting to experiment with the gentle-but-firm respect vs Super Substitute Smackdown laying on of authority ratio.

-Today, a question from the student after their assignments were completed: "Do you play video games?" Yeah, sometimes. "Oh! What kinds?" Mostly ones for 64. [blank stares] Nintendo 64. [blank stares] You know. Old school. "Ohhhhh, yeah. Yeah, like Super Smash Bros..." At a mere 23 years old, only 2 years out of college, I reeeeeeally dated myself today.

-Another question: "Do you like [name of clothing brand I'm not familiar with]?" I don't know what that is. "Like the clothes." I've never heard of that. "Are you a prep?" Uh... no, I'm just poor.

Well, off I go. More later. Just rest assured (for those who were concerned) that I'm back to work.

Woot.

To Be Frank, I'm Incensed - A Tale of Internet Theft Recounted by a Less Than Happy Narrator

I've never tried writing a blog post while mad before. Frustrated maybe, but never mad. And I'm down right pissed off at the moment. So, maybe I can blow off some steam and have some verbal fun while I'm at it. Bear with me (and try to be entertained).

The background:

About three years ago I decided to start keeping track of my finances in great detail - more than just balancing my check book. I started keeping records of every dollar I spent, cash, check or credit card. ("Isn't that painfully tedious, annoying AND boring?" the reader asks. No. Thanks to my particular neural wiring diagram I love it. I enjoy being meticulous, I have fun recording data and when I can use my records to make cool little projections and graph thingies, all the better!) Last December (2 months ago), I decided to upgrade my methodology from trying to record everything in Microsoft Excel, using instead some free accounting software I found for my Linux operating system Ubuntu - the open source equivalent of Microsoft Quicken, I believe. (I'll sing the praises of open source software in some other blog post.) Now I very efficiently keep track of every single cent I spend or earn and am prompted to cross check my e statements with my recorded account balances. Back track.

Last August I was going over a credit card statement to discover the source of a $15 discrepancy. What I found was some bogus charge from some bogus company somewhere in New England. After calling Visa to dispute the charge I was told I had to first contact the charging company. Now there's an idea... I'll have some things to say to them... Remarkably, I kept a very civil tongue in talking to the company rep. (he sounded like he was from India). As soon as I mentioned that I had never heard of the company and was rather annoyed, he offered to refund the money to my account. In fact, it was blatantly obvious that the company was bogus and that this was the protocol for the scamees who noticed their little games. This is how they play: Somehow (Through spy-ware? It's unclear to me.) they access your credit card information. Then they charge a small amount of money to your account on a monthly basis, sit back and hope you don't realise what they're up to. And if you find out, they refund the money and hope you don't sue. After all, why would you sue? You are getting all of your money back, no matter how pissed you are. And even if only %15 of us are chumps (I'm sure it's much more than that, as it is very difficult to catch even if you don't have very many items charged to your credit card AND you keep meticulous financial records AND you regularly check your credit card statements, if briefly.) That's still quite a bit of income, especially considering the low overhead of having a computer program doing the stealing and having people in India answering the calls. Anyway, I got over it. And that was last August.

The Present:

Today I was catching up on my finance records. A mundane chore, but I don't mind. Also, I decided that it might be a good time to get caught up on reconciling my bank and credit card statements with my personal records. Fun fun fun. My January bank statement checked out to the cent (man is that satisfying). And perhaps that is why I was curious when my credit card statement and my personal records of credit card spending were exactly one dollar off - to my detriment. I needed to change address information anyway, so I logged into my account to investigate. $26.14 for gas, $14.15 for groceries... things were checking out. Still a dollar discrepancy. I scanned my statement once more and there it was. "MVQ*CLUBSAVE 888-239-3917 CT - $1.00" I knew it immediately for what it was. A scam. And this time I had experience with *people* like these. This meant that I knew what to do. And that I had a special place in the Pure Loathing And Resentment section of my heart, all nice and warmed up for them.

I called the 800 number posted by the charge. Time to refute! But these f***ers (At risk for sounding crude or offensive, I think I can safely defend my use of the term by pointing out that within the age demographic that most internet scammers fall into (I think 20+ years old is safe), I bet there's a good %70-80 chance that they've had sex at least once in their lifetime. And as there don't exist such words as 'sexual intercoursers' or 'love-makers'... I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I may sound vulgar, perhaps I'm merely referring to the humanity of these scheming bastards by calling attention to commonalities they share with a vast majority of the rest of the world, which happens to have plenty of good people in it.) had a very clever answering system in place. In order to (maybe?) talk to a real person I had to enter my account number (Hmm, never signed up. Don't have one.), enter my phone number (didn't work - not in the system. Huh.) or enter my credit card number (Do they still think that I'm stupid, having gotten this far in unveiling their scheme?). The machine expressed its sympathies in not being able to help me at the present moment and gave me a very helpful email address to contact. And contact I did while doing my best to restrain my Angry Language. In my email, I requested a full refund for stolen funds, a confirmation notice and that they remove my information from their system. Hopefully they'll get on that. I'm still pissed. Pissed that I'd been had. Again. And had been getting had for seven months. And mostly I'm pissed at the cleverness of their scam. Not only are they stealing money from innocent unwitting people like me but they are essentially safeguarded from retaliation. Sure I'm pissed, but I'm not going to hire a lawyer with money I don't have to shut down their little scam. And neither is the next guy. And they'll just keep cashing in. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

So this is my attempt at one small iota of retribution. I am letting off steam during this writing process and I'M WARNING YOU, YES YOU! of these types of schemes. They're out there. I've been had twice already. I'm not an opponent of buying things with credit cards on the internet - frankly, eBay, Amazon and other online stores are pretty amazing and convenient. But I would praise the recording of spending. Or, if keeping meticulous notes isn't your cup of tea, AT LEAST do yourself the favour of carefully examining your monthly credit card statements, especially if you have ever used the accounts to purchase anything online. These guys are sneaky. They generally charge small amounts ($1.oo in this case) that are hardly noticeable, and they have cute little names like "MVQ*CLUBSAVE." If you don't keep records or save receipts, you can still call to dispute questionable charges and at the worst you can apologise to the totally legitimate business you forgot you purchased from. I for one am going to be much more diligent in checking statements.

...

Yep, still mad. I think this post helped a little, though.

Nomad Turned 'Ploid'

As the post heading suggests, I am (for the time being) casting off my self-appointed label of 'nomad' and replacing it with the more suitable title of 'ploid.' I have settled into a new, albeit temporary (So I guess one could argue that I am still a nomad. But "Nomad Remaining Status of Nomad Yet Also Acquiring the Title of 'Ploid'" seemed too lengthy.), house and now occupy my time being a ploid.

'Ploid' is not a word that one would find in the dictionary, though hopefully one will soon find it in the online Urban Dictionary (thanks to my handiwork). In fact, some of my friends - ploids at the time - coined the word two summers ago when they found themselves sitting around the house, more or less (or totally) unemployed. "We are unemployed," they declared. "We are ploids. We are ploids who are unemployed." Not the most exciting etymology, but one befitting the creators of the word itself. Over the course of the summer, the word 'ploid' found its way into everyday use, and the self-proclaimed ploids won renown for their flexible schedules, fun and interesting daytime projects and their laid back lifestyles. They also had no source of income, but they didn't care because they had enough money to survive for the interim time between jobs.

Now, based on this description, I am not a ploid in the strictest sense of the word. I am currently unemployed and I do revel in my wide open daily schedule, but I am looking for work. And as of this morning, after a Personal Financial Investigation (looking at my account balances), I'm redoubling my efforts. Am I worried? No. Will I survive? Yes. I am merely coming to the realization that my savings are finite and that my spending-to-income ratio is infinite (or undefined, I suppose, mathematically speaking). In order to improve this ratio, I am now trying even harder to find a job, and I'm getting less and less picky. I've now applied to the local school system (for substitute teaching), several tutoring positions, several food industry positions, and most recently I signed up to take a qualifying test to work for the 2010 census! (I'm secretly hoping for a census job at this point. Decent pay, novelty and temporariness are all good things right now.)

On the other side of the coin I decided to take a tip from Obama and work at Freezing Domestic Discretionary Spending. That is to say that for the time being I'm not going to spend money on craft beer (expensive vice #1), chocolate (expensive vice #2) or... anything really. You may be thinking, "beer is one thing, but how do you freeze spending on other expensive vices like... say... FOOD?!" No worries. One housemate works at a bakery, the other at a diner. I get free carbs out the wazoo! (Judging from Urban Dictionary's definitions of the word 'wazoo' that last statement is true in more ways than one...) PLUS, in my vast amount of free time I find plenty of time to dumpster dive, scoring such finds as oranges, peppers, green beans, onions, eggs, yoghurt, and PIZZA ROLLS! (Let the record state that though I think those little morsels are disgusting, I also think that they are disgustingly delicious. And I was probably pleased by this find the most.) So I won't starve at least.

And speaking of vast amounts of free time, let me say a bit about all of the, er, productive things I've been doing with my time. The first priority, obviously, has been to secure a job, and much (though admittedly not enough) of my time has been devoted to searching the web, filling out applications, and tailoring resumes. I have also been spending a decent amount of time exercising - something I had not really had time for with my previous job. Squash, climbing at the rock wall, and pond hockey have been my preferred means. (Though hockey has been a tough one recently as one of my borrowed skate's blade broke off - sorry, Tim!) Moving in/organising my room has been another ongoing endeavour (I've been finding that it's difficult to organise small things when you have no furniture.) and has led to construction of a coffee table from dumpstered materials. I have also been intentionally setting aside time for self-edification, and I've been reading on such topics as digital photography and computer programming. Finally, I've been spending glorious amounts of time hanging out with friends and playing games! Woot! I may not have any money, but life is good! And that is the anthem of the ploid.

The Nomad's Lament

I was originally intending to write a light and humorous post about my last day of work. It was to have gone something like this:

Yep, it turns out that there wasn't that much more to do around here (the winery). I had one last day slated to work, bottling ~2000 liters of vodka. [By the way, a good way to not be an alcoholic if you're not already one is to be around that quantity of that wretched stuff for that amount of time!] Typical of my stint at the winery, the day was a logistical nightmare. To get bottles from the barn I had to first spend 20 minutes with a pickaxe, chipping away the ice that had seized up the barn door. Then I noticed that the forklift in the barn wouldn't start because of the cold. Then I tried to jump the forklift with my car. Then it still wouldn't start. Then I had to move the cases of empty bottles onto smaller, more manageable palates and load them into the truck with the tractor - not really designed for this. Then I almost died several times when the weight of the bottles was about as much of the tractor and I was tipping all over the place while driving them over the snow. Then we finally started bottling and realized that it was going to take FOREVER. Then I realized that I was starting to get sick. 200 liters later I had a pretty bad sore throat. 200 liters later I had a nasty fever. Before we were halfway through I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. So much for a nice cozy sentimental last day of work!

With some fleshing out, I'd like to think that I could have made that funny. But I don't really feel like it. I'm now sitting in my bare room one last time, an hour or so from leaving (assuming I can coax my loaded car out of the icy driveway). I cooked Colin one last breakfast and we shared it as usual... only this time I wouldn't be going to work with him, nor would I be here when he got back.

Funny how emotions work. They led me to decide to leave this place. The story - since so many people seem to be asking - of how I came to decide to leave Colorado:

By the end of fall, Jonathan had left, and it was down to just Colin and I working our *tails* off. Work days were long, and stress left everyone feeling less than their best. I got chewed out a few times at work for this or that - I hold that I've been giving nothing but my all since arriving here, but upon occasion Lance and Anna thought otherwise. Also, I was getting a bit sick of winery work - moving tanks, moving liquid between tanks, always being overly cautious... it started to drain me. Several times I had decided to leave by Christmas (in a fit of emotion), but then Colin helped me think about things a little more positively/rationally... Furthermore, though I had friends I wasn't feeling like I was really connecting with people here. More likely than not, I was just recalling the deep friendships of Goshen, forged by living with the same people for years at a time. Whatever the case I left for vacation a bit more than fed up with the Western Slope. Then, after visiting all of my fine friends in Goshen and longing for the comfort I once found there, I started thinking about my life while in the solitude of the northwoods of Minnesota. And my conclusion was that I should leave. I arrived home, put in my notice of intent to leave, and then proceeded to have a totally awesome, fun 3 or so weeks.

Maybe it was the knowledge that I was for sure going to be leaving, maybe it was not having to work that much, maybe it was seeing friends again after being away for a month... I don't know. But I had a lot of fun these past few weeks. And I spent some quality time with some quality people, and I realized - duh - that part of making friends is just the time involved in getting to know them. Sure there aren't that many of us out here... and we're all fairly different from each other (as perhaps compared to the much more homogenous culture of Goshen)... but we have fun together. And we share with each other - food, thoughts, floorspace, feelings, [gossip]... And now that I'm actually leaving, I'm sad to. I'm sad to leave the mountains, the fresh summer fruit... and I'm sad to leave the people. So before I go... Shout out to the interns (old and new)! Shout out to the Cransons! Shout out to the frisbee croud! Shout out to the Sarahs! Shout out to the VISTA folks! Shout to Luke, Logan and the local crowd! Shout out to anyone I've ever met in Paonia and Hotchkiss and the surrounding area! And shout out to the best housemates ever: Colin and Google!

And now this blog comes full circle in a sense. I began it when I was just setting out on the adventure that was my time in Colorado. And now I'm headed back to the land of corn and humidity and excessive cloudcover... but it's still an adventure. And who knows where I'll be headed next...

The Best of 2009

[This was also begun January 4, 2010]

And now (in an unprecedented dual post-publishing event) the SECOND of two consecutive posts! [Funny, now it's three...]

It has come to my attention that it is in fact a new year, according to the U.S. calendar. I was only made aware of this change approximately two days after the event when I said to myself, "Oh. It's 2010 now." The simple reason for my unenthusiastic hailing of this new decade (Or does that start in 2011? We never figured that out ten years ago, did we.) is that at the hour of the roll-over, I was peacefully sleeping in my bed in wood-heated cabin in a snowy woods. Funny how the night ends earlier without the artificiality of electricity to keep you revved up. It was this same lack of electricity (and access to the internets... and maybe laziness) that kept me from writing this post at a more appropriate time. But 'better late than never!' is my motto for this year (as are 'eat less sweets' and 'do what makes you come alive'), so I will post away.

The following are lists of good things that I found this year - in several different categories. I share them with you both to let you in on a part of my life and to offer recommendations of various media. Enjoy.

BOOKS:
I only completed a few this year. Most were spectacular. The highlights:
Anna Karenina (by Leo Tolstoy): This epic Russian novel is full of detail - to a fault if you're not into that sort of thing, but I eat it up. Throughout the reader is led back and forth between the lives of Anna the tragic woman, cursed by her unsympathetic husband and the consequences of her sins and Levin the philosophical protagonist, on the quest for a fulfilling life. Very interesting.
-The Sandman Series (by Neil Gaiman): What an amazing story! In it we meet Dream (Morpheus, the lord of the Dreaming), his siblings - the Endless - and a whole host of other awesome characters. The character development makes the series, but the drama that unfolds is ingenious as well. This definitely opened up my eyes to the unique potential of the comic book medium.
-The Ancestor's Tale (by Richard Dawkins): A survey of evolution, as described by our (humans') evolutionary ancestors. Marvellously written, this book has captured my attention more than any other work of non-fiction and has thoroughly excited me about biology.

MUSIC:
I love listening to music, and with a plethora of mind-numbing jobs to be had at the winery (pruning, driving tractor, etc.), I've had plenty of time to listen! These were some of my favorite from 2009:
-Ben Harper: I went with some friends to see him in concert in 2007 without knowing his music that well. Since then, I've been slowly getting into him, and this year I was blown away! He is such a versatile and talented musician, as a songwriter, vocalist and guitarist. And, passing one of my strict criteria for a good musician/band, he came out with a new album last year that totally rocked! (as opposed to petering out later in his career)
-Jurassic 5: I have always kind of liked old school hip hop, but I often had difficulty finding stuff that wasn't too vulgar or annoying. And then I heard Jurassic 5. They've got a rocking/grooving/funky sound combined with some amazing rhymes. Not to mention, if you listen to the words you hear feelings! emotions! A song about treating women well, the complexities of relationships, being a good role model for your kids... A unique group in the genre.
-Creedence Clearwater Revival: These guys can rock! The more I listen to them the more I like them. Also, listening to their actual albums (rather than just the songs compiled on Chronicle) has allowed me to fully appreciate their range of style. A great band to drive, cook or rock out to.
-Medeski, Martin & Wood: I've known about these guys for a while, but this year I really got into them. Not only do I love the jazz organ in general, but these guys take jazz to a whole new level! Some of it's kinda avant-garde, but on the whole it remains very listenable... and just plain funky and AWESOME.

FILMS:
I like watching movies. Mostly I watch them for entertainment, but I can also really appreciate film as an art form. Bonus points if the film-maker can entertain me in a beautiful way...
-Milk: An amazingly true story about a gay man running for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Sean Penn is fantastic in portraying such a charismatic and principled character. And the story depicts an amazing landmark in Equal Rights.
-Adaptation: I'm still not sure I really understand this movie, but it was mind-blowing. The layers of plot and character development are just fantastic. A beautiful movie.
-I Am Sam: Maybe I just love Sean Penn or something, but this movie marks another amazing performance by him. The story of a mentally challenged father seeking custody of his daughter, this movie is a real heart-wrencher (I cried quite a bit during it). In my movie notes in my journal I have written, " Amazing acting, amazing cinematography (great angles & movement), amazing soundtrack (original music AND Beatles covers), and amazing story!"
-Stardust: I've watched this movie at least 3 times now, and it never gets old. Maybe it's just the genius of Neil Gaiman, but this story is the epitome of fantasy: Fantastic characters (with outstanding acting), fantastic world, and fantastic lore. A very happy tale.

Everything I Know About Life I Learned From Agricola

[This post was begun January 4, 2010.]

To anyone who actually reads this blog on a somewhat regular to regular basis, it will no doubt seem that I have fallen off the face of the earth. Indeed I have, in a sense. In my month or so of vacationing I have traveled approximately 5,000 miles by air, road and now rail. (I am presently in the middle of My First Amtrak Adventure.) And that is a distance that would put me 1/50th the way to the moon... so perhaps my travels really aren't that impressive. (The most impressive feat yet this far on my vacation comes here at the end: In traveling from Ely, MN to Hotchkiss, CO I will have in two days driven southeast to Tomah, WI, taken a train east to Elkhart, IN, taken a car back west to South Bend, IN, flown west to Grand Junction, CO and finally driven back east to Hotchkiss. Talk about taking the scenic route!)

As a side note, the least impressive feat of my vacation has been to sculpt a diorama of 'pissicles' using solely my own bodily fluids and the forces of nature...


But as I mentioned before, I am on the train home, and alas my carefree days are coming to a close. Soon I will begin to work again, earning desparately needed money. This isn't entirely a sad thing, though after two weeks spent relaxing in a cabin I will miss the choice of daily activities: sleeping, eating, reading, socialising (I have been reading a book by a British scientist, and I am presently toying with the practise of spelling 'ize' 'ise.' Gmail does it for me anyway. The jury is still out on 'colo[u]r'...) or playing games. Playing games was perhaps my favorite holiday endeavour. Though I've made friends in Colorado, none yet seem to be the 'game type,' at least in the tradition I am used to (playing card games, traditional board games and 'European-style' board games). So blessed was I when I spent a good deal of the last month playing games with family and friends. I was treated to Rummy in Kentucky, El Grande in Indiana, Rook and Hearts in Minnesota. And perhaps best of all, I got to play a good eight games of Agricola, a great new board game I got for Christmas.


Tipped off by a friend and a favourable review on boardgamegeek.com ('favourable' as in best-rated board game in any category), I put Agricola on my list (Amazon shopping cart). Much to my delight Santa (USPS) not only obliged on this request, he even brought it a good week before Christmas (perfect timing for gaming with Jonathan, an old college comrade). Latin for 'farmer,' Agricola is a game of farming the old fashioned way and set in the medieval European countryside. Players strive to improve and expand their small farms while constantly struggling to feed their families. In fact, my first couple of times playing the game I failed to do anything besides feed my family! Among comments uttered was, "How am I supposed to raise a bloody herd of sheep if my family keeps eating them all?!" Though playing can be stressful when food supplies are low, it is quite entertaining to raise children, animals and the like. And tactically the game is brilliant! I'm beginning to get a grasp on strategy, but the gameplay is so complex that any particular strategy is never foolproof. In short, Agricola is awesome.

Divertisement aside, I've been discovering that Agricola also has quite a lot to say about life. I never thought I would find wisdom coming from a board game, and yet it is surprising to me how many times in the last week I've found myself saying something like, "Yep, it doesn't pay to stock up on something when you can't really afford it... just like in Agricola." (Now I know that any resemblance to real life found in the game arises - duh - from the game being derived from the subsistence of small-time pastoral farmers. But since I've already devoted 696 words to the thesis 'Agricola teaches us valuable lessons about life' just bear with me.) Without further ado, I will summarise the teachings of this illustrious board game, as presented to me through routine, devotional playing.

1. Children are inherently valuable, but the real reason we have them is the free labour. Compare the following: 3 victory points per family member at the end of the game vs. the victory points one child can amass by plowing, sowing, baking bread and herding sheep during the course of the game. C'mon Mom and Dad, I know why you had me.

2. Begging is preferable to letting your kids starve. Your kids can't actually starve according to the rules of Agricola. Still it's a valueable lesson: the stigma (or negative victory points) attached to begging far outweighs the heavy conscience of letting your kids starve so that you could 'plant that one more field of grain'...

3. Colour does not matter. It doesn't matter if you're red or write... or purple or green or blue... we all have (or should have) equal opportunity.

4. It's wise to worry about feeding yourself before you start improving your home. Renovations can wait! You can't swing a hammer if you're famished! This game is set in the middle ages, so there aren't cars and modern conveniences, but I think the priciple applies to other things: Food before cars, TVs, cool toys, etc.!

5. Vegetables are the best! When counting up points at the end of the game, vegetables give you the best item-to-point conversion rate. Moral: vegetables are better (more nutritious? tastier? all of the above?) than grain, sheep, boars AND cattle!

6-a. Working too many jobs can spread you thin. There have been games where I try to take on 4 or 5 occupations. To accomplish this I usually sacrifice time in the fields. Time is precious. Feed yourself and enjoy life. Don't spend so much time in the office (or butchershop or clay pit or...)
b. Just pick a job and stick with it! All the occupations are cool in their own way, and help you out in the game. What gets you is choosing one, then seeing that one helps you better, then another... and before you know it, you've got 7 jobs under your belt and you haven't used any of your cool skills. One could argue that more satisfaction/points could be derived from just picking one job that really suits you and making the most of it. (In real life I don't do this...)

7. Cows make great pets! They don't take up any more room in your home than a sheep does! ... Wait. Maybe this one doesn't translate to real life...

8. Farming really can be sustainable! It's pretty neat how you can plant a seed, watch it grow, harvest it, eat some of the yield and plant the rest! Thanks mother nature! And if you do it right, you can feed your whole family and still have time left over to do other things!

9. If you want your animals to make babies, don't eat them! I think this one explains itself.

10. Farming can be pretty stressful, but it is also quite rewarding. I get more uptight playing this game than just about any other, including Jenga and Don't Break the Ice. There are a million things I want to get done, and in the back of my mind I know that it's not possible to accomplish them all. But I get over it and enjoy the time spent with family and friends. And even if I don't win, I still (usually) wind up with pretty awesome farms.

The Woes of an Underpaid Transient Farm Hand, B. A.

I'm fired for the day! That makes three days in a row if you count Tuesday, when I went to work, moved some stuff around and then left before 10 AM. Not good for the pocket book when you consider that I'm planning on taking a four-day MLK weekend starting tomorrow (and that I get paid by the hour).

A friend was recently confused when I used my new terminology. "Wait. I just don't understand how they can just fire you like that!" Oh they can. But just for the day. "Wait, what?" And this is coming from another underpaid person - an Americorps volunteer. (Please note that when I say "underpaid" in this context, referring to myself or others, I'm only meaning that I don't feel that the amount of compensation we get equals the value of the work we put in. We knew coming into it that we'd get paid crap. That's part of the adventure I guess. But it's still fun to gripe sometimes...) Apparently this practice is not normal. But that's how we roll here. If you'll bear with me, I'll rewind a bit and try to explain the reasons why I haven't blogged for so long and for my present employment woes.

Second week of December, 2009: Work is crazy. We have thousands and thousands of litres of wine in huge stainless steel vats, and it all needs to get into bottles. But there are many steps to this process - moving tanks, racking, emulsifying and filtering on our part and getting lab samples, labels approved and buyers lined up, all that happens outside of the realm of our influence. The result is that when work can be done, we do it and do it for looooong days. But sometimes there just isn't anything to do. I'm feeling worn out from working, yet I don't work enough to make much money. Add in some sense of loneliness and missing the community I left in Goshen, and I'm ready for Christmas friggin' vacation!

December, 2009 - January 5, 2010: During what was perhaps one of my best vacations ever, I was able to visit with all of my immediate family (not easy since they managed to spread themselves out by a good 1000 miles) and catch up with numerous good friends. Plus the last two weeks of that vacation were spent isolated in a cabin in Northern Minnesota, so I was able sleep plenty, read plenty AND get my board/card game fix for a few months. (The lack of internets in the cabin, plus my busy schedule before hand led to me not blogging during this time, in case you were wondering.) I also had plenty of time to think. As a result I concocted a great scheme for my life, and it involved leaving Colorado, at least for the time being. (Perhaps more details on that at a later date.)

January 6, 2010: First day back at work. I put in a long day. It wasn't too bad - in fact, I kind of enjoyed myself. Afterward, I tell Lance and Anna that I have plans of leaving but that I don't want to inconvenience them. I tell them that I will stay long enough to help them accomplish all of the jobs that need my extra hands and then I will leave. [An aside: Right now I'm poor. I mean, I'm doing okay, but thanks to my extended winter vacation I now need to work to meet my monthly expenses. My thought process: a move and subsequent job search = not income. I'll help bottle wine, work really hard, make a little extra and then leave before the work thins out again.] They say give me their blessing. All is going according to plan.

The Past Week: Last Friday work was scant. I took some wine samples to send into the lab and got hay to feed the cows. Monday I put in a full day only because I was stupid and got the truck stuck in a snow bank on Grand Mesa and had to wait almost two hours before someone could pull me out (maybe the subject of another 'I'm Dumb' post?). And now for the last three days I have been all but unemployed. So much for making money before the move. What's worse is that I wake up early, get dressed for work, make the trek over to the winery and then find out that there's nothing for me to do. Inconvenience with no compensation. (Though today I learned and called ahead while still in my PJs.)

I can't blame Lance and Anna. There really isn't any work for me to do right now. And they're a small business that doesn't make a lot of money; they can't afford to make up random busy work for me to do. So what do I do? Read, write letters, fill out applications, go for walks, try to fix my car (Colin - with the help of an icy driveway - busted one of Gwen's headlights.), and now blog. Whoopdie-joy. I have several other blog drafts from earlier days. Perhaps today will be a record blogging day...