I have a weakness for Q-tips. I grew up with my dad cleaning out my ears on a weekly basis, and though I squirmed a bit I loved the satisfying tickle of earwax removal. As I continued to grow up and take on more duties (e.g. brushing my own teeth) I continued to clean my ears with Q-tips on a more and more regular basis. It got to the point where I was on a two Q-tip per shower kick, the little cotton swabs removing little more than residual water. If I didn't clean out my ears after a shower, they would tickle me and annoy me until I was forced to give in. This was until college.
Once I had to start purchasing my own toiletries, Q-tips were among the first things to go... sorta. Every visit home I would splurge and even steal a few to take back with me to college. Once back at school I would ration my small supply out, cutting down to one a week if necessary. But still I was addicted. Also by this point I had heard from several different doctor friends that Q-tips were really a terrible idea. They greatly increased risk of rupturing the ear drum, and hey, the wax is in there for a reason... I toyed with the idea of quitting, but every trip home was too much.
After moving off campus for the last two pre-CO years, I almost quit completely several times - my evils-of-Q-tip awareness helping me, but on two separate occasions (after being clean [well, dirty, really...] for a month or two) two different housemates came home with a huge box and I was lost. Everyone has their vices, right? Well, it just so happens that ever since moving to Colorado I have not touched cotton swab to ear - at least not until tonight.
Living with Colin and Jonathan, we all three are cheapskates and so of course none of us would actually buy Q-tips. (We don't even have any tissues - just a roll of toilet paper cleverly placed in an old Kleenex box.) And so, I was clean for two and a half months and not even missing Q-tips when I left for vacation. And this evening, after a shower in my aunt and uncle's house in PA, I guiltily snooped in the bathroom drawer and found... Q-tips. Not two or three but four of those white, evil death sticks entered my ears, removing all sorts of gunk. But afterwards my ears hurt. And when I took a shower I felt more water than usual left in my ears. Dumb. I think I really will quit now.
Q-tips - like so many other products - seem silly to me. They try to interfere with something natural and are marketed in a way that makes them seem necessary. One should have clean ears, right? Wrong. I posit that wax is good. (I have absolutely no evidence to back that up, and I don't feel like looking now. But this is no peer reviewed article.) It protects your ears, helps keep water out, and helps remove dirt and other foreign debris. Furthermore, if you have to poke a small pointy thing dangerously close to your ear drum (and in all likelihood packing the earwax in in doing so) then it is better left in your ear, where your amazing body thought fit to produce it.
While I'm ranting, here is a list of other products that I think are dumb:
- Chapstick - I was once addicted to this stuff as well. I would slather it on multiple times a day, and the moment I didn't my lips would crack and bleed. One day I got fed up and stopped using it. My lips got chapped, BUT (what some don't realize) they healed themselves in only a day or two. And once they did they were very nice and tender again. I have not used chapstick for some time, and only on the windiest days do I get chapped lips. But when I do they quickly heal.
- Lotion - This stuff annoys me, but I still haven't found a way around this one. My hands get dried out way too easily. One thing I have learned is that if you wash your hands sparingly you need less lotion. (Plus, germs are good for you, right?) Sometimes I kinda wonder if I never showered if my body could produce enough oil for me to never have dry skin, but I would still occasionally wash my hands, and it's my hands that are the problem.
- Deodorant - Some time my freshman year of college I heard a rant from an upperclassman about how antiperspirant was terrible for you - how it could give you cancer and all that. He said he no longer used it and urged everyone else to do the same. I was an impressionable first year, so what the hell? I stopped using deodorant. I smell a little worse, but a little good hygiene (i.e. - showering occasionally) is usually sufficient enough for me. I think that the avoidance of nasty chemicals outweighs the "human" smell. Also, for those who throw out the "but what about the ladies" argument, consider this [probably misleading] data: In the 7-8 years or so that I used deodorant, I entered into zero romantic relationships. Since stopping, I've entered into three. You make the trendline. (Speaking of trendlines, xkcd is probably my favorite webcomic, and I particularly like this one...)
- Breath mints/gum - In early high school years I was addicted to Orbit chewing gum. I was cheap, so I would break each piece into little pieces to chew separately, but if I didn't chew it regularly my mouth would begin to taste horrible! This lasted some time, but eventually I got over it. Now, though my mouth can get funky occasionally, I've tried to stay clean, and as a result I've learned quite a bit about residual tastes and their causes (e.g. - stay hydrated, don't finish a meal with dairy, coffee breath smells gross, etc.).
oh my god. the Q-tip tirade is hilarious.
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