I'm Dumb. Part II: Why Capsaicin is My Sworn Enemy

Let it first be stated to the blogosphere, that yes, I did fall off the face of the earth a few weeks back. Life got hectic and blogging got pushed further and further back on the list of things to do. Presently life is getting busier again. We are working on a project that has involved several 10 or 11 hour days, moving large rocks around all day, and free time has largely been spent socializing, so there is very little down time in my life right now. Fortunately for you (if you are reading this of your own volition and perhaps even enjoying it) my growing personal resolve to write (as well as 2 out of 2 parents commenting that they enjoy reading about my life) will hopefully allow me to persevere and write through even the busy times. There are currently about 4 or 5 different things I want to write about, and one of them is even a half-finished post that I started 3 days ago, but tonight I write because of the utter stupidity of some of my actions this evening and the humor that one finds in such actions when looking back on them. Without further ado...


I like spicy food. Often, it gives me hiccups (In describing this unusual side effect to a great number of confused people, I have found no others who exhibit this same reaction save my father. Interesting genetics research project for someone...), but the flavour and heat that hot peppers give certain foods I find irresistible. Unfortunately, I have a bad track record when it comes to actually preparing spicy foods, that is to say coming into direct contact with hot peppers.

You see, it seems that the chemical capsaicin (the hot one that tricks your pain receptors into thinking your skin/mouth/etc. is on fire) that is found in hot peppers -especially the seeds - has a natural affinity for my eyeballs. One should note that peppers and eyeballs are by no means a good combination, and goodness knows it is one that I try to avoid, yet somehow fate seems determined to have a laugh at my expense. Often I am an innocent victim - making chili, forgetting to wash my hands well, and wiping a drop of sweat from near my eye... Other times, I am a bit foolish. I once left a Thai restaurant taking some extra Thai chilis home with me in my pocket, not foreseeing the repercussions. This has been a trend long enough for Jonathan to even joke with me every time he sees me with a hot pepper: "Dude. Don't touch your eyes now." Yep. [1 hour later...] DoH! Call me unlucky, call me stupid, the fact remains that my eyes like to get burned. Nothing, however, had ever come close to what happened to me (or I never previously happened to myself in quite this way) until this evening.

A visitor arrived at about 8pm this evening: Hope from Denver. We had gotten off late from work and were cleaning until then, and Jonathan and I did not begin the preparation of the night's meal - Tom Yum Soup - until 9:30 or so. Tom Yum Soup, a favorite of mine, derives its flavor primarily from the lemongrass and keffir lime leaves that are in it, but for a bit of extra spice hot red chilis are added (only a couple chilis for a fairly large pot). It was my duty to finely chop these and carefully remove all of the seeds before adding them to the soup. Jonathan warned me: "Okay. Now don't touch your eyes." I proudly didn't during the course of our preparations, though the tips of my fingers hurt considerably due to several open sores created by moving and placing rocks and concrete all day with holey work gloves. Apparently when the little baggy, purchased in an Asian market in Denver, read "Hottest Red Chili," it was not lying. As we waited for the vegetables to soften, I began to allow my mind to stray from Jonathan's warning. Not yet having washed the dirt and cement from my body, I decided to take a quick shower.

I use a washcloth when I shower. I hate those little loofah thingies (or at least tell my friends that I do), and yet I like to get dirt off of me. A washcloth is a useful tool, and I use it even more vigorously now than in other seasons because of the inordinate amounts of sunscreen I slather on each day (and I HATE the feel of sunscreen on my skin). I first noticed somethings was amiss only after I had progressed from my head to my neck in my cleansing ritual. A light tickling sensation on my cheeks and ears. Further down, the sensations grew both in magnitude and from tickling to pain, and I began to figure out the cause of my newfound dilemma.

Apparently your entire skin is susceptible to the magic of capsaicin, not just your orifices as I had previously thought. (And apparently light abrasion, say... by a washcloth, aids in this effect.) AHHHHH!!! My face (and, uh, let's just say my whole body...) is burning!!! AHHHHH!!! The hot water did not help. Or if it did help, it helped about as much as salt in cleansing an open wound. My face pulsed red hot. It was like the inescapable sensation of eating a pepper that is too hot for you... only the outside of your body is the inside of your mouth. I had to do something. Think. Well, I know that capsaicin essentially "tricks" your pain receptor into feeling pain, even though there is no bodily harm being done. Unfortunately this relaxing thought was all but. I could at least get out of the shower I suppose. Following the end-of-shower routine, I faced the shower head and wiped the soap out of my eyes. Eyes? $&%@!!!!