Where I Be Goin'

Here's an interesting nugget I found in my National Geographic this morning:

Unless you change direction, you're

apt to end up where you're going.

-Chinese Proverb

Where I found the proverb quoted, it was suggesting that we beware paths that lead toward environmental destruction, the idea being that even if we're not killing off species now, we ultimately will without a major shift in attitude. BUT I feel that it also sums up my recent decision-making process.

For a few months now a dark cloud has been looming in my mind. I need to decide where I'm going to live next. I moved to Goshen in February knowing that it would only be temporary. I had already made plans to work in Minnesota for the summer, and the lease for the house where I am currently living ends in less than a month. So my possessions and myself need to go somewhere. Furthermore, as I was leaving Colorado, I decided that I was sick of moving around on a regular basis. It just took too much energy! So I need to move somewhere and stay there (at least for a little while - say, more than a year). But where?!

Goshen was in the running, but not the preferred candidate. I love the town and the people in it, and while I could see myself settling down here further down the road, I wanted to go somewhere new for the time being. But what should the other options be?? One can't make a choice weighing only one option. And what should my criteria be??? I could move somewhere for a job, but the only feelings I have resembling ambitions are that I might like to be a teacher in the near future... and you can take ed. classes anywhere. I could move somewhere for the scenery, but even in beautiful Colorado I got lonely and moved back East. So shall I go somewhere with a high density of close friends? Still doesn't sound like the best way to make such a big decision, but maybe I can at least start generating options...

Okay,
1) Goshen. But, I already decided I'd like to go somewhere else next if it works out...
2) Pittsburgh. I have plenty of friends there or moving there.

Time went by. Still no more options. I still liked the idea of Pittsburgh - I even started looking for a few job possibilities there. A few months later I found that 3 of my former housemates were planning to reunite under one roof and that my company would gladly be invited.

Conversations with friends and family turned gradually shifted from "I'm still not sure where I'll go after summer. Pittsburgh is one option," to "I'm kind of leaning toward Pittsburgh right now, but I need to weigh the other possibilities," to "Well, there's a good chance I'll be moving to Pittsburgh in the fall."

I wasn't really doing much to change direction. The Chinese must really know what they're talking about...

In my journal I vented frustration at myself for not actively researching additional locations for my post-summer life. This is my life after all! And yet the conversations evolved: "Barring some last minute pull toward some other place, I think I'll be heading to Pittsburgh..." until finally, last Saturday I ran into my Mom's cousin on the sidewalk. "Oh, hi Matthew," he said. "What are you up to." "Just going out for a bike ride now," I replied, "but soon I'll need to start getting my stuff packed up. I'll be moving to Pittsburgh this fall."

I don't think he realized the significance of that statement. I didn't either, really - not until I was riding away. It slowly dawned on me then that I had issued my public statement. I had officially made the decision that I had kinda already made (through laziness? following my heart? ??) much earlier. And it felt all right. Not that stressful. Not necessarily relieving. Just kinda neutral, like I was following a gently meandering path, the faint far-off outline of which had been visible a long way off.

So there you have it. If you need me, I'll be in Pittsburgh.