I'm Dumb: Scene II

Believe it or not, I'm still a dumb person. I know it's been a while since I last commented on this aspect of myself, but after this afternoon's adventures I couldn't help but remind you all (How many is "all" these days? I'm predicting single digits, but sometimes I like to pretend that I'm writing to an expansive audience that just can't wait to hear what crazy $hit will happen to me next...) just how dumb I can be.

As a brief prologue to this afternoon's events, let me begin this paragraph by titling it Chapter XVII: In Which Matthew and Guinnevere Continue to Bicker and Finally Seek Out Relationship Counseling. So, I forget when my last car update was. I believe I had already mentioned putting too much oil in, discovering a rear wobbling, then having it not start and towing it to the shop (thanks boss' pickup truck!) to get repaired AND having one tire blow out en route. But only the broken off exhaust pipe was repaired then (oh, did I forget to mention that?). I drove back from the shop on my donut, eventually bought a new tire and finally: Gwen was good to go! To celebrate Colin and I hopped in and cranked some tunes on the way to frisbee!... oh, wait, it was still really wobbly. If I let go of the wheel it the whole car would violently veer to the right. It was kinda scary. Gwen was sent back to the infirmary for the time being. Now it just so happened that early this morning I had to drive Colin to the Grand Junction airport. I brilliantly decided to drop my car off at the local Kwiki Tire on the way to have the alignment problem fixed. Driving back from Junction, I got a call. "Mr. Rody? Yeah, we got your alignment squared away. But, uh, two of your tires - they look to be the same brand - the tread is about to come clean off of 'em." Crap. "And it's probably good to replace the other just for good measure, right?" He said I might be able to get away with not, but sooner or later it would go. What the hell. If I go for that extra tire, I thought, maybe I can completely pay for my car over again!! (Despite all the emoticons that our generation has to offer, I still have yet to see the "sarcastic double exclamation point." Someone please figure that one out.) The work was quickly done, and I could pick it up any time this afternoon. Great. Now, fast forward to the end of the work day.

I had talked to Lance at lunch and asked if I might get a ride into Delta to pick up my car. He said, sure, someone could take me. I said I could also ride my bike if it was a problem (though I hoped it wouldn't be, as it would be a good 15 miles in a fairly short period of time). At about 3:45 I noticed two cars pull in the driveway. They looked like tourists. I wondered if Lance would be needing to give a tour. We would need to be leaving soon (sooner if I had to bike), as the garage closed at 5:30. I called Lance. (Yes I'm too lazy to walk several hundred feet.) He didn't pick up. Anna? Nope. Evan? Nope. Anna called back. Could you take me to Delta? She had just come from Delta. Frick! And now they had family plans. Maybe I could work something out with the on-farm grandpa (Lance's dad). Nah, easier to not. The clock was ticking.

15 miles, mostly downhill. I could average at least that, right? So if I left... now! I could make it. I ran up to the house, remembering to recieve my instructions for the next day, since I would be running the place myself with everyone else taking Evan to college. [Okay, Anna... stop talking... need to go...] Back to the house. I packed enough water to survive. Helmet, glasses, air in tires... check, check, check. I left my driveway at 4:45. I decided to not do the math and just pedal really, really hard.

The first leg of my journey was easy enough as it was straight down the side of the mesa. And it was a rush! My speedometer long ago stopped working, but I estimated that I was going around 40 mph... but even going slower I was making great time. I'll be at Kwiki in no time. And then I turned onto the highway, straight into that confounded dry, hot, dusty desert wind. Even going slightly down hill I could not have been going more than 13 or 14 mph. My estimates got more and more pessimistic: Maybe I could still make it. Maybe I could still make it if I called ahead and said to stay in the store until I got there 10 minutes late. Maybe I could find enough sense to turn around NOW and save myself the extra mileage on the bike ride home...

I pressed on. The wind did not abate. I hit construction. I had thought about the construction before I left - in terms of bikes being able to fly by slow-moving cars on the shoulder. But wait... construction narrowed traffic down to one tiny, gravelly lane for at least few miles. MAN I'm dumb. Even if I could avoid getting hit, my tiny little road tires would bounce me to kingdom come! The time had come to deviate from the original plan (but when had I been following that?! And what was that plan anyway? Something like buy a nice reliable used car - Civics are good - and drive it to its death with no car troubles ever...).

I approached a long line of stalled cars. I rolled to a stop next to the first pickup truck and stuck out my thumb. No luck. I'm only going to Austin. "Sorry I can't help. Good luck mi hijo!" The target of my next attempt was an SUV, empty in the back with a young male driver. "You going to Delta?" "Sure, hop in." That was easy. And the rest is history. I negated some "dumb points" with some hard-earned "improvisation points" and "meeting cool new people points." James, a young paramedic, was my savior, and he was even cool enough to drive me directly to the garage (we pulled in at 5:26). I thanked him profusely and promptly got slapped in the face by three new tires of negative money. Oh well. At least my car was totally good to go. It's smart to fix your car, right? More dumb points negated.

Oh yeah. But it seems that I neglected to anticipate how sprinting furiously on a bicycle - while totally out of shape - would affect my frisbee game later that evening. I guess we can't all be smart...